Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Number three

Go on laugh it up, I start a blog and miss my third post. I have a good reason though, normally I would call this person a friend, currently I'm not quite sure if I want to call them that, so we'll say acquaintance for ease of reference, has done something very, how to put this lightly, stupid? See she was once dating a guy that in all honesty I never really liked, but never really disliked. He simply isn't the kind of person that I associate myself with. But she was happy and as her friend I supported her. Then came the fighting and the drama. He lied, she took him back. I told her then that he wasn't worth it. Finally he had done something else and they broke up. I was happy for her, it was a big step in the right direction. She could do lots better. Then he became a lil drama queen and talked about her at work. This went on for sometime. She was unhappy, and rather mad at him. I was itching for a chance to hand this guy his ass. Finally he backed off some, then she tells me that she's 'casually dating' him again. I was irked. I didn't understand. Why would you go back to someone that not only had hurt you in the first place, but one that all of your friends had said were bad for you? I mean, I'm going to be honest with anyone if they ask my opinion. But whatever, if getting hurt again is what's going to teach her that if someone is worth having they won't make you cry, that they won't hurt you, then I figured she would have to learn it the hard way because apparently I had wasted my breath. Now comes the part that really has been bothering me. Its not that she's now officially dating him again, that is an element, yes. Its the way I found out. See in high school my friends and I were honest with each other because we respected each other. I many times had to tell friends something that was either uncomfortable for me or for them or for both of us. I didn't do it because I enjoyed it, I did it because I respected them enough that I wanted them to hear it from me and not from someone else second hand. I mean theirs few things worse then someone knowing more details about one of your closest friends then you. Especially when they've had the opportunity to tell you and neglected it. I know its not easy to do, but I respected them more for having the guts to tell me, then letting me find out from a third party. Now see that's not what happened with her. She knew I'd disapprove, so she neglected to mention anything to me. I found out from my brother, who barely knows her, that she was dating him. And he found out from facebook! It would be one thing if he had seen her earlier in the evening and I hadn't spoken with her. But I had and he hadn't! I feel insulted. I mean she may as well have come up and slapped me in the face. Yes I wouldn't have liked what she told me, I still think she's going to get her heart broken and I don't want to see that, but I would have had more respect for her for standing up and doing it. Now I doubt everything she's said. What other details has she neglected to mention because she didn't want to upset me? I feel like I'm being childish and a drama queen but it doesn't change that her actions make me feel like I've been slapped.

And then theirs the whole she's dating him again. I told her the last time they broke up that he isn't worth it. I mean if he really cares for you, he's not going to fuck up that first chance. And if he does then he's not worth it. I suppose I'm spoiled in some ways, I watched my mother go through a divorce and I saw what an effect it had, not only on her but on everyone. I personally never want to live though it again, so I would never date someone who was okay with seeing me hurt. Then I was also stupid enough to get into an off an on relationship when I was a year or so younger then what she is now. I remember what its like, but unlike her I never have needed a relationship to determine my self worth. I don't have to be dating someone to enjoy life. I'm comfortable and content with my own company. Now granted I do enjoy and miss the presence of the person I'm dating now, but remember I'm a few years older and looking for things in a relationship she isn't. See in my eyes the only possible reason that she is going back to him is because she's dependent on him. Maybe she thinks she can't do any better, I dunno.
Then she says that she doesn't really trust him, but hopes she will more day by day. I'm sorry that's not how a relationship works. I trust Mark completely. I have no doubts, that not only what he says is genuine but that his actions are too. I've never been in a relationship where I didn't trust them, admittedly to different degrees but I still did otherwise why would you be exclusive to a person that wasn't reciprocating?
"Please. You are not talking about love- mutual regard, admiration, respect, thoughtfulness, openness, acceptance, honesty, etc.- you are talking about desperate dependency, a sad attachment of familiarity. Familiarity can be a deadly trap. The convenience, the routine, the time invested, the daily structure, provide an intense pull. Combine that with a fear of the unknown both in the world and in yourself and you have a recipe for quicksand. You're not going anywhere. What motivates moving on? For some, the pain of where they are just gets too great. For others, it is the glimmer of hope and the attractiveness of new possibilities, provided by role models and books like this."- Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives, Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Part of me wants to let her read that book, it would do her a world of good. I know I have no place to tell her who to date, but I do have a say in how she treats me, and at the moment if she thinks that 'protecting' me from what she is doing is how to keep my friendship, then she is wrong. I'll take an uncomfortable conversation long before I'll take being protected. Besides with all the ways we have to communicate anymore, its not like you have to say things face to face, a text message, an offline message, e-mail. She had no reason to try to hide that from me. So yea I'm still mad, I'm not fuming, but I'm certainly not happy.